I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
