and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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