I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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