non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Enjoy the penises
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
