i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
