Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
