he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
