so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
