Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath