Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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