CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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