Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
