Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
