Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
