I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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