he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
