he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
