I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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