In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
