Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
