At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
