eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
