I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
