ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
