I feel like abortions should bother me more
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
