You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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