i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
