Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
