where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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