I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
