yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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