We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
