im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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