Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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