Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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