i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
