two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
