covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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