we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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