While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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