Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
