tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
