Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is my gift to your gina
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
