hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
