Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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