he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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