did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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