Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
