I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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