I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
