Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
