I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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