How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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