Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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