four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
