I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Michael Bay diarrhea
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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