I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
