My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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