i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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