I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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