Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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