Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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