when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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