You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
