Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
