dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
