Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
