so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
