Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
