he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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