I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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