I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
