I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
