Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
