Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
