The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
