I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
