3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize