for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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